Dear boy whose heart I broke,

We insisted that we would stay friends and a tiny part of me believed it, but everyone says exes never remain friends. It’s probably for the best. You said you could never dislike me, but now you won’t even look me in the eye. Know that you hurt me too. Sometimes what hurt the most was the guilt you caused me, because you cared so very much and I wish that I had cared as much, but I just couldn’t. You made me feel like I was never enough for you. Nothing I ever did was going to match up to this idealized version of me you had in your head. It’s hard to say if the reasons we couldn’t make it work were a complicated web of differences and issues or if it really came down to the fact that I broke your heart, because you were simply more into me than I was into you. I won’t say I didn’t love you because that’s a lie, but to say we experienced the same level of passion and love would be a lie.

I see how insanely different you are and I can’t help but wonder if it’s because I broke your heart. Your sudden sociability, your new habits, your “tough image”, your new outward appearance. Almost unrecognizable. I don’t like the person you’ve become, but I still honestly hope you are happy. I hope you find a girl who is more touchy and affectionate than me. I hope you find someone far more traditional, less of an independent and untraditional free spirit who would rather travel the world single than live in the same place for 20 years while married. I hope you some day are able to look back and remember me in a positive light.

I no longer want you, I no longer love you, I no longer even like you, but I sincerely hope you are happy and find someone far better suited for you.

Also, I’m sorry for breaking your heart, but I broke my own heart to keep yours together.

 

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